Twinkies

  1. Twinkies for breakfast

    No sane parent would give a kid Twinkies for breakfast -- yet moms and dads across the country routinely let their children gobble up bowl after bowl after bowl of cereal.

    And if you think cereal is any better than a Twinkie, I've got news for you: Some of this garbage is actually WORSE!

    A new analysis of sugar in breakfast cereals finds at least 10 popular national brands that are at least 40 percent sugar by weight -- which makes them only slightly better than a bowl of pure sugar.

    Leading the pack is Kellogg's Honey Smacks -- a cereal that was called "Sugar Smacks" back when you and I were kids.

    They should've kept that name -- it's about as honest a product description as you'll find, because "Honey" Smacks is actually 55.6 percent sugar by weight, according to Environmental Working Group.

    You want to know how much sugar that is? Earlier this year, a government panel called for voluntary guidelines on cereal that were laughed at by nutrition experts because they allowed for so much sugar.

    And yet Honey Smacks actually DOUBLES even that generous limit.

    Other cereals to watch for include Golden Crisp, anything with "Froot Loops" in the name, the entire Cap'n Crunch family and… well… who am I kidding?

    Avoid the entire cereal aisle -- because even the healthy-sounding cereals are nothing but sugar. A single cup of Honey Nut Cheerios, for example, has more sugar than three Chips Ahoy cookies.

    Fry up some bacon instead. Everyone loves the smell of bacon in the morning. Throw in some eggs, and you've got the real "Breakfast of Champions."

  2. Bill Clinton's deadly new outlook

    Former president goes vegan

    So Burger Bill has become an herbivore. Good luck with that, Mr. President.

    After a series of heart scares over the years, formerly tubby former president Bill Clinton now says he's pledging allegiance to a strict vegan diet.

    Actually, he says he is a vegan -- but, like another situation I can think of, it depends on what your definition of "is" is... because when he first began boasting of his emerging "vegetarianism" last year, he admitted to still eating fish.

    It's nice to see his relationship with honesty remains intact.

    In reality, the heart problems that led to a quadruple bypass back in 2004 and a number of cardiovascular scares since weren't caused by meat -- they were caused by all the other crap President JFK (Junk Food Kid) was known for inhaling.

    This is the same man who used to stop at McDonald's while jogging through Little Rock -- a habit that got him lampooned on "Saturday Night Live" -- and the same man who made sure Twinkies were included in the National Millennium Time Capsule.

    But in recent years, Clinton has impeached the snacks and lost plenty of weight -- first by going on a modified version of the low-carb diet, and now by giving up meats altogether.

    Well, except for maybe fish.

    And if he manages to (mostly) stick to his newfound vegan faith, those cheating moments with seafood might be the only things that keep him alive -- because as I've told you before, this isn't a healthy lifestyle.

    It's a diet of death.

    Vegans miss out on some of the most essential nutrients the human body needs, including omega 3 fatty acids, crucial B vitamins, zinc and iron. They also have higher levels of the dangerous inflammation marker homocysteine and lower levels of HDL cholesterol -- the stuff even the mainstream calls "good."

    One study earlier this year confirmed that it quickly adds up to a risk of hardened arteries and blood clots. That means folks like Bill Clinton who make the switch face a HIGHER risk of keeling over from a heart attack or stroke -- not a lower one.

    If that's not bad enough, a vegan diet can also make you moody and irritable -- but Bill doesn't need a diet to do that to him.

    I suspect being married to Hillary has the same effect.

  3. Twilight for the Twinkie

    A few weeks ago, this leviathan of the junk-food industry filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection, according to USA Today.

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