Beard-buying boobs create a hairy situation
I'm not what you'd call a technology buff. The only tablets I can tell you about are the ones Moses lugged down Mount Sinai.
But I'm getting ready to buy the largest, gear-grinding paper shredder I can find. Because there are guys in every corner of America who need their “man cards” permanently revoked -- and I hope I don't have to come for yours.
Believe it or not, surgeons across the good old U.S. of A. are becoming overnight millionaires thanks to a new fad that would have had Abe Lincoln puking in his hat -- beard transplants.
Baby-faced 20-somethings -- you know, the kind of guys who wear colorful scarves and knit caps in July -- are plunking down $7,000 or more for facial hair implants to make them look like their favorite celebrities.
Listen, if this was the first step toward cloning Chuck Norris, I'd probably be leading the parade. But we're not creating more Walker Texas Rangers here -- just more idiots. This medical craze is being driven by morons who have swallowed the mainstream lie that surgeries are as safe as a baby in bubble wrap.
And trust me -- lots of these folks are going to end up with disfiguring scars, infections, and worse as unqualified docs scramble to get in on the gold rush.
If you want to look like Fidel Castro, let me save you seven grand -- just grab a cigar and some army fatigues and don't shower and shave for a month. That's a heck of a lot better than letting some surgeon take a scalpel to your face.
My own beard is so manly it does one-armed push-ups while I sleep. And I grew it the old fashioned way -- with steak, bourbon, and a can-do spirit. Follow my plan and you can do more than keep your good health -- you can keep your man card, too.