New push for female sex med

Watch out, ladies! Big Pharma is trying to get into your pants -- and like a lowlife sexual predator, they're not going to give up until they get in.

The newest attempt at a "female Viagra" is a phony-baloney chemical estrogen aimed at women suffering from weak and dried-out ladyparts after menopause. It's a condition called dyspareunia, and it makes sex painful -- sometimes (but not always) so painful women avoid sex.

The drug, Osphena, is supposed to make you stronger and wetter "down there" so sex becomes enjoyable again.

And if it really and truly worked -- and worked without risks -- I'd be the first to say, "just do it."

But in one major clinical trial in which dyspareunia symptoms were measured on a three-point scale, women on the drug had a 1.55-point improvement -- which sounds terrific, until you see that women on a placebo had a 1.29-point improvement.

Maybe that's an improvement on paper -- but it's not one you'd notice in the bedroom, which is why one review finds the drug helps just 14 percent of the women who take it.

That's it -- and with that minor benefit comes major risks such as thrombotic and hemorrhagic stroke, deep vein thrombosis, endometrial cancer and more. The backers of the drug say these conditions are rare, but some of the other side effects aren't rare at all: The drug will triple your risk of hot flashes and could even cause you to ooze down there.

Yes... ooze.

If that's your idea of sexy, then maybe you can give the drug a try.

If you'd like to get back to enjoying sex without the ooze, on the other hand, there's a much safer, easier and cheaper solution you'll find in just about any drug store, big box chain store or grocery store in the nation.

It's plain old lubricant.

If you're too embarrassed to buy it yourself, send your husband. Trust me, he'll be happy to do it if it means more sex.