meat inspection

  1. Federal fling triggers massive meat recall

    Sex, drugs & rotting cows

    There aren't a ton of rules in the Douglass household, but there's one that kept me sane for years. Every afternoon, when my wife flipped on the tube and I heard the opening strains of One Life to Live, I ran out the door like a cat in heat.

    Maybe it's just my man gene kicking in. But there's something about soap operas... about watching rich, beautiful people sleep with and murder each other... that I find tougher to swallow than a $2 steak.

    But there's a soap opera playing out right now in a filthy slaughterhouse in Northern California, and every man, woman and child in America needs to tune in fast. Because this little piece of theater isn't going to entertain you much -- but it just may save your life.

    Federal investigators are finally getting to the bottom of a story I've been all over like a hobo on a ham sandwich -- the sickening tale of how Rancho Feeding Corp. sold 9 million pounds of diseased, uninspected meat all across America.

    And it's a story filled with sex and lies that even the most talented Hollywood script writer couldn't have concocted.

    According to a Rancho Feeding whistleblower, the company's plan to sell sick, cancer-riddled beef to your family wasn't an accident -- it was a heinously planned crime that had the potential to sicken MILLIONS of Americans. And it all happened right under Uncle Sam's nose.

    I don't mean to shock you my friend, but that "fat" on your last ribeye may have actually been a stage-four melanoma. These slaughterhouse scumbags were sneaking cancer-riddled cows onto the factory floor under the cover of darkness, cutting off their malignant tumors (and even their heads) before processing them and fixing them with fake stamps of approval.

    If you ask me they can't fit these criminals with handcuffs fast enough for me -- and before it's all over, there may be a federal meat inspector in the next prison cell.

    Because if you're wondering how millions of pounds of diseased beef can get processed without the plant's USDA inspector taking notice, the answer is easier than you think. Everyone likes a good nap after sex.

    That's right. The government lackey responsible for keeping your food safe was allegedly rocking and rolling with the factory foreman. According to eyewitnesses and plenty of X-rated text messages, the Rancho federal meat inspector and plant management were getting hot and heavy while deadly beef rolled off the line.

    Who says government work doesn't have its perks?

    If you ever stepped one foot in one of these disgusting factory slaughterhouses, you'd never trust these cretins with your health again -- and our government isn't any more reliable. Start buying your beef locally, and never trust a supermarket steak.

  2. Feds' massive meat foul-up expands to 35 states

    USDA screw-up could sicken 70% of America

    When Thomas Jefferson plunked down $15 million for the Louisiana Purchase, he doubled the size of America overnight.

    Well, Jefferson's got nothing on today's feds, because somehow, these incompetent boobs managed to turn a supposed four-state outbreak into a 35 state crises in the blink of an eye.

    And they may not be finished by a longshot!

    Remember when your kid did laundry for the first time? There was soap on the floor, water everywhere, and I bet he looked you right in the eye and said, "I've got this under control." Well, that was the same kind of nonsense the feds asked us to swallow when they let 9 million pounds of diseased-laced, cancer-riddled beef into the market this year.

    As I told you a couple weeks ago, the USDA "forgot" to inspect a year's supply of meat from one of the largest processors in the West -- but they pinky promised the outbreak was limited to a few states... four AT MOST. Of course, every sane person knew they were lying through their teeth, and now they're being forced to admit it.

    The recall of Rancho Feeding beef has reached 35 states -- we're talking 70% of America -- and the feds are scrambling to pull steaks off the shelves before you start feeling like dead meat yourself. Some of the diseased beef may have even made its way into Hot Pockets, a true tragedy for unemployed 20-somethings living in their parents' basements. (Maybe we shouldn't tell them.)

    Be sure to check with your local grocer and make sure he's gotten this poison out of his shop. Better yet, start buying only local organic beef instead. That way you can inspect the cows for yourself if you feel like it -- because it's clearer than ever that our days of trusting those meatheads in the government are over for good.

    Starting a "beef" with bad beef,

    William Campbell Douglass II, M.D.

  3. Feds let 9 million pounds of rotting meat into the market

    The USDA is rushing to recall a year's supply of rotting, diseased meat that wasn't properly inspected, and is warning there's a "reasonable probability" it could leave you sick or even dead. Another food inspection foul-up from Uncle Sam!

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