1. Drop 10 pounds with probiotics

    Two pills a day melt fat away

    Your belt is so long you could lasso a calf with it. The last time you saw your toes, you took a black-and-white picture of them.

    You have what I call Santa Claus Syndrome -- a belly so large even the heaviest coat can't hide it. And if you want to stop that stomach from jiggling like a bowl full of jelly, you have two choices. You can let one of those mainstream surgical sadists hack and suck the fat out of you (if they don't kill you first), or you can pop two safe, natural pills once a day and watch as the pounds practically MELT away.

    A new study out of Canada is just the latest to prove that probiotics, those healthy gut bacteria, could be the key to controlling your weight. Gals who took probiotics daily for 12 weeks lost about 10 pounds, and here's the REALLY good news -- they kept that weight off.

    That's right -- it looks like these ladies cut the string on yo-yo dieting for good!

    It's no secret that thin, healthy people have different gut bacteria than folks who are carrying around a spare tire. And if you want to get your hands on some of that good skinny-guy bacteria, taking a probiotic sounds like a better bet than licking the door handle at the gym.

    Probiotics can reset healthy bacteria levels in your gut -- but you need to make sure you don't go fouling them up again. Skip the carbs and organ-rotting processed sugar, or you'll be right back on the train to Fat City in no time.

  2. Cell phone game targeted at kids promotes plastic surgery

    Foul phone app pushes plastic surgery on kids

    When I was a kid when you wanted to make a phone call, you needed a bicycle and a dime. These days you can check your e-mail on your cell phone while playing blackjack against some guy in Indonesia.

    And now, it turns out, you can even electronically bully fat kids!

    At least you used to be able to. The culturally sensitive wiz kids at Google and Apple have just announced that maybe it wasn't such a hot idea to sell an app that lets kids perform plastic surgery on an overweight peer.

    In an age where bullied obese kids are offing themselves in record numbers, Apple and Google decided to sell "Plastic Surgery for Barbie" for kids as young as 9 years old. Fourth graders were presented with an "ugly" blonde girl who is so plump "no diet can help her" and were asked to liposuction the fat from her problem areas.

    Now I don't know what the devil paid for mainstream medicine's soul, but it isn't worth a nickel to me. Remember how up in arms we were when the tobacco companies were supposedly marketing cigarettes to kids? Where's the outrage about this game that's trying to sell elementary-aged kids on the merits of dangerous -- and sometimes deadly -- plastic surgery?

    No my friend, overweight kids aren't "ugly," they're just in need of some good old fashioned diet advice (hint, it's the same "diet" I always recommend) and a kick in the butt to get up and get moving.

    Google on the other hand is hideous, spying on us and snapping pics of our homes and posting them on the internet. Apple is obnoxious, with its founder who reportedly got a hoot out of leaving his Mercedes in handicapped parking spots. And the mainstream is revolting, telling overweight kids that no diet in the world can ever help them -- but a knife-wielding surgeon can.

    Next to these three repulsive pigs, every child or grandchild in the world, no matter what they weigh, is an absolute stunner to me.

  3. Liposuction leads to more fat in worse places

    Liposuction might suck fat out of your belly, but it could also lead to an increase in fat where you want it least.
  4. One big, fat boomerang

    When it comes to weight loss, there's no such thing as a quick fix -- especially when it comes to the fat-sucking procedure, liposuction. Because, as a handful of unlucky ladies discovered, fat sucked out of one area of the body eventually rears its blubbery head in another one.
  5. Cosmetic Surgery to that Most Intimate of Areas

    Apparently, the next big thing - more like the final frontier - in cosmetic surgery is, brace yourselves: Vaginoplasty

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