1. Cancel your gym membership, add YEARS to your life

    Workout warriors being fitted for wings

    Maybe it's just the dog lover in me coming out, but I'm going to go ahead and recommend a much-needed medical test to anyone keeping a hamster as a pet.

    You ought to have your head examined.

    There's only one type of person deranged enough to get their kicks watching a glorified rat run in place for 20 hours a day -- and you'll have no trouble finding him at your local gym.

    These workout-worshippers are grinding away hours of their day on treadmills or in "spinning" classes wearing sweat-drenched T-shirts with inspirational sayings like "live strong."

    Well, they ought to change it to "live short." Because research proves those kickboxing lessons are only preparing you to kick the bucket, and lots of folks like you are exercising themselves to death.

    One eye-opening study from the German Cancer Research Center tracked 1,000 folks --including lots of seniors -- for a decade and found that couch potatoes and folks who worked out more than four times a week were BOTH more than TWICE as likely to keel over from a heart attack or stroke.

    That's right -- you're almost better off skipping workouts completely than becoming one of those health nuts who's getting his mail at the gym.

    And this wasn't some anomaly, either. Another study from Sweden's Karolinska Institute found that men who exercised more than five hours a week during their youth were 19% more likely to develop atrial fibrillation, a serious heart rhythm disorder.

    Now don't get me wrong. Nobody is giving you permission to spend more time engaging in Americans' favorite exercise -- channel surfing. Both studies found that MODERATE exercise, like regular walks with friends or the occasional game of tennis, were the keys to delaying your date with the Pearly Gates.

    Let's face it -- that trainer who's shaming you into dragging yourself to the gym five days a week isn't doing you any favors. And if he's anything like these two guys, one day he may need a favor from you -- like carrying his casket.

    If you ask me, they ought to stop sewing workout shirts out of cotton and spandex, and make them out of wool instead. Because most of the health nuts you'll find at a gym are sheep, plain and simple. They've been swallowing each other's lies for so long about the benefits of a "daily burn" that they could use a trash enema.

    It's time to change the channel on their deadly nonsense and find something simple and low-impact that you love. It'll beat the heck out of running yourself ragged on that great hamster wheel in the sky.

  2. Vigorous exercise linked to sudden death

    Tune out the dumbbells and get back on that couch!

    They say birds of a feather flock together -- so it's no wonder health nuts spend so much time with dumbbells. Most of the cretins you'll run across at the gym don't have two brain cells to rub together, and they expect you to put your life in the hands of some 22-year old "personal trainer" who took a couple of fitness courses online.

    Puuuhlease. I was body surfing well into my 80s, when most folks are shuffling along behind walkers. And I've kept this Adonis figure by never lifting anything heavier than 12 ounces.

    Usually, it's filled to the brim with Budweiser.

    And if you don't want to spend your golden years watching Golden Girls reruns from a wheelchair, I suggest you do the same. Because a new federal study has proven once again that when you engage in intense physical exertion, you could end up riding that exercise bike right to the Pearly Gates.

    In a 14 year study of firemen, researchers found nearly 200 died after vigorous exercise, such as heavy lifting and running. And these guys were younger (average age of 49) and healthier than many of you. Most of them had perfect cholesterol and didn't have high blood pressure or a family history of heart disease.

    Keeping your muscles in shape isn't about torturing them on some squat rack. It's about keeping supplied with a steady source of protein and other nutrients they need and staying active doing the things you love.

    So cancel that gym membership and use the money to buy a delicious rack of ribs instead. Because, starting today, you have a new prescription, courtesy of Dr. Douglass -- get off that treadmill and back on the couch.

  3. Trying to lose weight? Skip the gym

    Most exercise programs are a waste of time, largely because most of the people who start a work out program rarely lose weight.
  4. You don't have to be a gym rat to battle atrial fibrillation

    According to the results of a new study, light to moderate exercise can actually prevent atrial fibrillation in the elderly.
  5. Diabetes drug boosts sex life

    Men with diabetes are prone to low levels of testosterone, but a new clinical trial has revealed that a topical, gel-based testosterone replacement therapy could improve not only the sufferers' response to insulin - it may also improve their sex lives.

5 Item(s)