energy drinks

  1. Energy drinks linked to teen depression, drug use

    Blame now comes in a can

    They're canning your vegetables... they're canning your meat... and now a group of university scientists have successfully canned a product lousy parents will be buying by the ton.

    Blame.

    That's right. Next time you have no idea whether your kid did his homework or who he's hanging out with online at 3 a.m., just remember it's not your fault. There's a can sitting in your fridge just ITCHING to take the blame.

    A new University of Waterloo study looked at kids who drink alcohol, smoke pot, and generally run around like the teenage version of a motorcycle gang.

    I know what you're thinking -- who's raising these kids anyway? Apparently Red Bull. Because once researchers discovered that these juvenile delinquents were also downing sugary energy drinks by the barrel, they had their villain.

    Just keep those caffeinated cans away from kids, they urged, and you'll see drug abuse and depression plummet like a bird with two bad wings. And that recommendation reminded me of something else that comes in cans.

    Nuts.

    Who are we kidding here? If your kid has a joint in one hand and a bottle of Jack in the other, don't blame energy drinks -- BLAME YOURSELF! There's a time-tested plan for getting unruly kids under control -- it's made of leather, has holes, and you fasten it around your waist.

    But parents today can't bother to discipline their kids, and nanny-state scientists keep looking for creative ways to regulate and legislate us out of this bad parenting epidemic.

    Well, the next time your kid breaks curfew or decides to give himself a lip piercing, stop looking in the fridge and start looking in the mirror. Then give him what he REALLY needs.

    A kick in the can.

     

  2. Energy drinks are no better than coffee

    The secret ingredient in energy drinks is more caffeine

    Red Bull? Well, they got part of the name right... BULL, because the idea that there's anything in it that'll perk you up better than coffee is a load of it.

    A new study looks into the research on the ingredients commonly used in Red Bull and other overpriced energy drinks and finds most of them won't really do much for you.

    Guarana extract might deliver a tiny bit of a boost... and you know sugar can give you a quick rush. But the only thing inside most energy drinks that's really proven to deliver on the promise of quick and lasting energy is plain old caffeine.

    Yeah, the same stuff you can get from a cheapo cup of coffee.

    But you know the drill. You can't convince people to pay extra to gulp down something that tastes like laundry water if the only thing it packs is the same caffeine you can get from coffee.

    So they dump everything they can think of into it and invest big in marketing.

    Don't fall for it -- stick to coffee instead. In addition to being tastier, coffee contains no artificial flavors and preservatives... nothing you can't pronounce... and no sugar (unless you add it -- but don't).

    Also unlike energy drinks, coffee can do so much more than give you a burst of energy. Coffee drinkers have a lower risk of chronic diseases, including Alzheimer's and Parkinson's, and a lower risk of cancer, as I just mentioned.

    And if that's not enough, coffee drinkers even live longer, too.

    Now that's what I call the ultimate energy boost.

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