Blame now comes in a can
They're canning your vegetables... they're canning your meat... and now a group of university scientists have successfully canned a product lousy parents will be buying by the ton.
That's right. Next time you have no idea whether your kid did his homework or who he's hanging out with online at 3 a.m., just remember it's not your fault. There's a can sitting in your fridge just ITCHING to take the blame.
A new University of Waterloo study looked at kids who drink alcohol, smoke pot, and generally run around like the teenage version of a motorcycle gang.
I know what you're thinking -- who's raising these kids anyway? Apparently Red Bull. Because once researchers discovered that these juvenile delinquents were also downing sugary energy drinks by the barrel, they had their villain.
Just keep those caffeinated cans away from kids, they urged, and you'll see drug abuse and depression plummet like a bird with two bad wings. And that recommendation reminded me of something else that comes in cans.
Who are we kidding here? If your kid has a joint in one hand and a bottle of Jack in the other, don't blame energy drinks -- BLAME YOURSELF! There's a time-tested plan for getting unruly kids under control -- it's made of leather, has holes, and you fasten it around your waist.
But parents today can't bother to discipline their kids, and nanny-state scientists keep looking for creative ways to regulate and legislate us out of this bad parenting epidemic.
Well, the next time your kid breaks curfew or decides to give himself a lip piercing, stop looking in the fridge and start looking in the mirror. Then give him what he REALLY needs.
A kick in the can.