dietary fat

Wake up and smell the tofu!

The vegan health food Houdinis -- those tofu tricksters -- are at it again.

They'll resort to anything to get you to choke down their pinebark-and-seaweed meat-free nonsense. They'll press it into cutlets that look like pork chops or slap some cute name on the box like "Tofurkey."

And it's all some silly ruse meant to trick your mind and fool your senses, crafted by brainwashed nitwits who value the health and life of a chicken more than yours. Now these hippies have a new trick up their sustainable hemp sleeves, and it's aimed straight at your nose.

Pennsylvania researchers have discovered that human beings can SMELL the dietary fat in food, and they're aiming to develop chemical versions that manufacturers can spray on health foods to make you think you're eating a filet mignon! Blindfolded volunteers were able to sniff out the fattiest foods every time, and researchers say that once they understand what fat smells like, they'll be able to bring these new sprays -- this nutritional napalm for your nose -- to market.

Well, I can tell you EXACTLY what fat smells like -- delicious!

I'll take the smell of fresh bacon frying in the pan over some sad soy patty any day. And I'll be healthier for it! Because what these health nuts don't understand is that your body NEEDS fat to fight disease, protect your heart and brain, and keep you from packing on pounds.

But, believe me this has never been about your health. It's really just animal rights activism run amok. They're trying to protect a bunch of cows that are so dumb they don't have the sense to run from burning barns. God put these bovine boobs on earth for one reason and one reason only -- to be eaten.

So relax, do your body a favor, and go cook one up right now.

Eat less fat, gain more weight

Fat is bad for you. That's the message from the mainstream know-it-alls. If Americans would cut their fat intake, we'd all magically get thinner, stronger, and healthier, right?

WRONG!

New numbers from the U.S. Department of Agriculture's Economic Research Service show we ARE eating less fat overall. And what do we have to show for it?

How about this: My country went on a low-fat diet and all I got was this lousy life expectancy!

As I told you just yesterday, American men have the shortest life expectancy of the 17 wealthiest industrialized nations on the planet.

And American women are second-to-last.

We're not just losing years off our lives. We're losing GOOD years -- because in addition to dying younger, we're living unhealthy lives filled with obesity, diabetes, and a 155 percent higher risk of death by heart disease.

There's been a lot of finger-pointing over those numbers, but there's one place you can't point that finger -- and that's dietary fat. We're eating 10 grams less per day now than we did in 1977, according to the new survey from the USDA.

Fat calories as a percentage of our diet have also fallen -- from 39.7 percent in '77 to 33.4 percent by 2005.

So clearly, Americans are hearing the low-fat message.

And just as clearly, it's killing them.

It's time to tune out the low-fat mantra before it kills you, too. Start by taking a lesson from the Swiss, French, and Japanese -- the people at the top of the study on health and life expectancy.

They're not afraid of fatty meats, fatty fish, and fatty dairy. Heck, many of these healthy people eat those "unhealthy" foods at every meal.

And good for them -- because animal fats can power your heart, protect your brain, and keep you slim and trim. Just be sure to cut the carbs and eliminate processed foods, and your own life expectancy will rise as your disease risk falls.

Want to know what else separates healthy nations from unhealthy ones? Booze -- so of course it's coming under assault here.