1. Are greenhouse gases making you fat?

    The 'Al Gore Cure' for obesity

    Gaining weight? Don't blame your own lousy habits -- blame global warming instead!

    That's right, researchers in Europe are actually making the ludicrous claim that carbon emissions make people overeat (which answers some of the questions I've had about Al Gore, anyway).

    And you're not going to believe how they cooked this one up.

    The researchers say an analysis of data on thousands of people tracked from 1974 to 1996 finds that fat ones and thin ones alike all gained weight over that period -- and they added proportionally the same amount of weight.

    They claim the rise in CO2 levels over those 22 years is to blame -- because apparently, CO2 makes your blood more acidic... and more acidic blood tricks your brain into wanting more food.

    The overall weight gain over 22 years is undeniable. The part about CO2, however, is pure balderdash. You may as well blame ancient aliens, the post office, or Lee Harvey Oswald -- it makes about as much sense, and there's probably about as much evidence.

    Look at any population of humans over several decades, and you'll see weight gain. That's true of nearly every period in human history, and it has nothing to do with the greenhouse effect.

    It's the hormone effect.

    As we age, our bodies make less of the hormones we need most. For women, the trigger is usually menopause. For men, it starts even earlier, when testosterone levels start to drop off in our 30s.

    In both cases, once those hormones slow down, the spare tire shows up. Throw in the one-two punch of today's worst habits -- fast food and sedentary lifestyles -- and of course we're bigger than ever.

    But if you REALLY want to shed those extra pounds, don't buy a Prius, wear a CO2-filtering gas mask, invest in carbon offsets, or beg Al Gore to run for President of the World.

    Just watch your habits, and visit an experienced naturopathic physician who can test your hormone levels and top you off.

    Bottom line here: Carbon dioxide in the atmosphere will not make you fat. But studying it can make you stupid.

  2. Diet soda in new disease link

    And they have the nerve to call it "diet" soda?

    It must be a diet straight out of you-know-where -- because new studies find yet again that guzzling this junk will cause your belly bulge and send you hurtling down the path towards diabetes.

    But that's not CO2 in your growing gut -- that's plain old fat, and it's being fed by aspartame, the "no-calorie" sweetener used in diet soda.

    In the first study, researchers looked at nearly a decade of data on 474 Texas seniors and found that those who knocked back two diet sodas a day had bellies that grew 500 percent faster than those of the non-drinkers.

    That led to waistlines two inches bigger -- but it didn't take two sodas a day to have an impact: The researchers also reported at a recent American Diabetes Association conference that any diet soda at all caused waistlines to expand 70 percent faster.

    In another study, researchers gave mice either a diet with added corn oil and aspartame -- something like a rodent version of a fast food meal with a diet soda -- or a diet with just the corn oil.

    After three months, the aspar-mice had skyrocketing glucose levels and increased insulin resistance, turning them into furry prediabetics with frightening speed.

    Think that's bad? That's positively mild compared to the other complaints associated with aspartame.

    This awful sweetener has been linked to seizures, coma, brain tumors, headaches, memory loss and more -- right up to and including death itself, and I'm giving you the short version here.

    For the full and uncensored story, read this.

    You'll never drink diet soda again!

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