carbon emissions

  1. Are greenhouse gases making you fat?

    The 'Al Gore Cure' for obesity

    Gaining weight? Don't blame your own lousy habits -- blame global warming instead!

    That's right, researchers in Europe are actually making the ludicrous claim that carbon emissions make people overeat (which answers some of the questions I've had about Al Gore, anyway).

    And you're not going to believe how they cooked this one up.

    The researchers say an analysis of data on thousands of people tracked from 1974 to 1996 finds that fat ones and thin ones alike all gained weight over that period -- and they added proportionally the same amount of weight.

    They claim the rise in CO2 levels over those 22 years is to blame -- because apparently, CO2 makes your blood more acidic... and more acidic blood tricks your brain into wanting more food.

    The overall weight gain over 22 years is undeniable. The part about CO2, however, is pure balderdash. You may as well blame ancient aliens, the post office, or Lee Harvey Oswald -- it makes about as much sense, and there's probably about as much evidence.

    Look at any population of humans over several decades, and you'll see weight gain. That's true of nearly every period in human history, and it has nothing to do with the greenhouse effect.

    It's the hormone effect.

    As we age, our bodies make less of the hormones we need most. For women, the trigger is usually menopause. For men, it starts even earlier, when testosterone levels start to drop off in our 30s.

    In both cases, once those hormones slow down, the spare tire shows up. Throw in the one-two punch of today's worst habits -- fast food and sedentary lifestyles -- and of course we're bigger than ever.

    But if you REALLY want to shed those extra pounds, don't buy a Prius, wear a CO2-filtering gas mask, invest in carbon offsets, or beg Al Gore to run for President of the World.

    Just watch your habits, and visit an experienced naturopathic physician who can test your hormone levels and top you off.

    Bottom line here: Carbon dioxide in the atmosphere will not make you fat. But studying it can make you stupid.

  2. Climate cops blame ozone for illness

    The climate kooks have launched another bizarre bid for attention -- this time claiming that global warming will cause millions of illnesses and cost billions of dollars.

    And it's going to happen in less than a decade.

    The Union of Concerned Scientists says its Earth-friendly crystal ball shows 2.8 million ozone-related respiratory illnesses in 2020 -- including a combined 944,000 missed school days.

    Better start working on those absence notes now.

    The group also claims there will be 5,100 hospitalizations of infants and seniors due to climate-related breathing problems, and that the total cost of all these illnesses and missed school days will be $5.4 billion.

    The organization says the warmer weather expected over the next 8+ years will cause ozone levels to grow faster than Al Gore's ego, leading to an increase in conditions such as asthma.

    And if this is what passes for science at the Union, I really am concerned -- because here's what you won't find in their report: U.S. ozone levels are DOWN over the past two decades, according to the Environmental Protection Agency... but asthma diagnoses are UP like never before.

    Clearly, something is causing asthma levels to shoot up -- and just as clearly, it's not ozone levels.

    Don't blame carbon emissions from your refrigerator, either -- despite what you've heard, our CO2 levels are on the downswing as well.

    There's a much simpler explanation for rising asthma rates, and it's got nothing to do with what our refrigerators are spitting out and everything to do with what we put inside them.

    The more crap we eat, the fatter we get -- and the fatter we get, the more cases of asthma and other respiratory illnesses we'll suffer.

    So I'll agree with them on one thing: This is a manmade crisis, all right -- but the only environment you can blame is the one in the supermarket.

  3. The other "low-carb" lifestyle

    Forget taste and health -- now, the greenies want you to choose your meals based on carbon emissions.

3 Item(s)