1. Federal fling triggers massive meat recall

    Sex, drugs & rotting cows

    There aren't a ton of rules in the Douglass household, but there's one that kept me sane for years. Every afternoon, when my wife flipped on the tube and I heard the opening strains of One Life to Live, I ran out the door like a cat in heat.

    Maybe it's just my man gene kicking in. But there's something about soap operas... about watching rich, beautiful people sleep with and murder each other... that I find tougher to swallow than a $2 steak.

    But there's a soap opera playing out right now in a filthy slaughterhouse in Northern California, and every man, woman and child in America needs to tune in fast. Because this little piece of theater isn't going to entertain you much -- but it just may save your life.

    Federal investigators are finally getting to the bottom of a story I've been all over like a hobo on a ham sandwich -- the sickening tale of how Rancho Feeding Corp. sold 9 million pounds of diseased, uninspected meat all across America.

    And it's a story filled with sex and lies that even the most talented Hollywood script writer couldn't have concocted.

    According to a Rancho Feeding whistleblower, the company's plan to sell sick, cancer-riddled beef to your family wasn't an accident -- it was a heinously planned crime that had the potential to sicken MILLIONS of Americans. And it all happened right under Uncle Sam's nose.

    I don't mean to shock you my friend, but that "fat" on your last ribeye may have actually been a stage-four melanoma. These slaughterhouse scumbags were sneaking cancer-riddled cows onto the factory floor under the cover of darkness, cutting off their malignant tumors (and even their heads) before processing them and fixing them with fake stamps of approval.

    If you ask me they can't fit these criminals with handcuffs fast enough for me -- and before it's all over, there may be a federal meat inspector in the next prison cell.

    Because if you're wondering how millions of pounds of diseased beef can get processed without the plant's USDA inspector taking notice, the answer is easier than you think. Everyone likes a good nap after sex.

    That's right. The government lackey responsible for keeping your food safe was allegedly rocking and rolling with the factory foreman. According to eyewitnesses and plenty of X-rated text messages, the Rancho federal meat inspector and plant management were getting hot and heavy while deadly beef rolled off the line.

    Who says government work doesn't have its perks?

    If you ever stepped one foot in one of these disgusting factory slaughterhouses, you'd never trust these cretins with your health again -- and our government isn't any more reliable. Start buying your beef locally, and never trust a supermarket steak.

  2. Grain-fed beef cows may be fed garbage

    Garbage: It's what's for dinner

    Whether you're a rescue mutt or a pedigreed hound, I love dogs of all shapes and sizes. But if you're going to be a pooch in my house, you have to follow two simple rules -- do your business outside and don't eat out of the trash.

    And the second I find ol' Fido munching on garbage, he's going to get a firm scolding and a night in the doghouse.

    And now it's your turn. Because a new dust-up in Maine is proving once and for all that you've been eating trash for years -- and it's time we had a serious chat.

    Maine farmers are fighting tooth and nail to stop a new federal regulation that would keep them from feeding GARBAGE to the same cows they're selling to you as "Grade A" beef. Talk about grading on a curve!

    You see, for years Maine's breweries have been using fresh grains to make their beers, and then giving the spent, used-up waste to farmers to use as cattle feed. This grain is such useless trash that most breweries don't even charge for it!

    And the cattle devouring this debris aren't especially useful for you, either. Grain-fed beef is a nutritional wasteland, lacking most of the nutrients and healthy fats you'll find in grass-fed meat. Plus, grains are such an unhealthy, unnatural diet that cows are often pumped full of hormones and antibiotics just to keep them alive long enough to slaughter.

    There's nothing more important to your health than what you put in your body, so stick to organic beef fed the same natural grass they'd eat in the wild. Because when you chow down on that discount, supermarket, grain-fed beef, you're not eating real meat the way Mother Nature intended.

    You're eating garbage.

  3. High-fat diet slashes symptoms of aging 39%

    Study proves men who load up on meat and fish are living longer and more active lives.
  4. Feds' massive meat foul-up expands to 35 states

    USDA screw-up could sicken 70% of America When Thomas Jefferson plunked down $15 million for the Louisiana Purchase, he doubled the size of America overnight. Well, Jefferson's got nothing on today's feds, because somehow, these incompetent boobs managed to turn a supposed four-state outbreak into a 35 state crises in the blink of an eye. And they may not be...
  5. Researchers find that we can smell dietary fat in food

    Those vegan meat haters are looking to get your nose out of joint -- literally! Researchers say they may be on the verge of using phony scents to trick you into eating less of the meat and dietary fat you need to keep your brain sharp, ward off heart disease, and control your weight.
  6. 'Pink slime' back on the menu

    "Pink slime" is one of the meat industry's most disgusting creations ever -- and the more people learn about it, the more companies turn away from it. But thanks to the meat industry's friends in high places there's one place where pink slime is still on the menu every single day: school cafeterias.
  7. Can veganism cause pancreatic cancer?

    Pancreatic cancer is the disease that ultimately claimed the life of Steve Jobs last year -- and if a guy with all that power and money can't beat it, you know it's bad news. But I can't help but wonder if the guy's vegan lifestyle did him in -- because there's a key mineral that can minimize your risk of this deadly cancer... and if you're munching on bunny chow, you're missing out.
  8. Water for the price of steak

    But the normal rules don't apply in the meat industry -- heck, the meat industry gets to write its own rules -- so most consumers don't know that 90 percent of all pork, 30 percent of chicken and 15 percent of beef are plumped up with brine.
  9. Diseased beef: It's what's for dinner

    First came the news that violations at a meat packing plant were the cause of the largest beef recall in U.S. history. This was followed by a report that the USDA is operating without a full staff of slaughterhouse inspectors.
  10. Shooting at the scapegoat, missing the perpetrator

    The ridiculous notion that red meat raises the risk of breast cancer in women.

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