I'm sure you've heard all about the Great Apple Juice Panic by now -- but you'll have to pardon me for not joining in the outrage.

New tests by Consumer Reports confirm what the Dr. Oz TV show found over the summer: Common apple juice brands contain arsenic -- and some of them contain so much of the poison that they exceed the standards set for drinking water.

And along with arsenic, Consumer Reports found lead -- again in levels that would be considered unsafe for drinking water.

But forget drinking water standards -- ANY level of arsenic and lead is dangerous. Even without a drop of either, apple juice is nothing more than a tall, cool glass of pasteurized poison with no nutritional value anyway.

I wouldn't drink it myself -- and I certainly wouldn't give it to a kid, not even one I hated.

Ounce for ounce, apple juice contains as much sugar as soda. Even the "all natural," "no added sugars" and hippy-dippy organic brands are so overflowing with sugar that you'll get nearly 15 teaspoons of it from a single 16-ounce bottle.

That's way too much sugar for a 200-pound adult. For a 30-pound tot, it's an overload that'll put him on a collision course with a lifetime of obesity, diabetes and heart disease.

If that's not bad enough, consider this: Like everything else these days, most store-bought apple juice comes from China -- where the pesticides flow even more freely than they do here.

Not only is that almost certainly responsible for all the lead and arsenic turning up in apple juice, but I'm sure there are a few other "goodies" in there that haven't been tested for... yet.

Bottom line here: If you want the great taste and health benefits of an apple, eat a real organic apple. Most of the nutrients are in the skin, which isn't even used for the juice anyway.