Leaf-lover diet is PROVEN to "kale" you

You know what you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? A salad shooter.

It's an old joke, and it would be a heck of a lot funnier if the diarrhea afflicting most vegetarians wasn't coming out of their mouths.

These leaf lovers can't wait to make mealtime miserable for everyone, railing about the value of a turkey's life while they chow down on some tofu and cabbage nonsense that smells like it was prepared in an outhouse.

If you have one of these maddening meat haters in your life, it's probably occurred to you more than once that he's a little soft in the head. And, oh, how right you are.

That's because British researchers have proven that from the very moment you choose a vegetarian diet, you could be on a countdown to a dangerous and deadly stroke. Iron greases the wheels of your circulatory system, keeping platelets from sticking together, and if you don't get enough iron you could be DOUBLING your stroke risk.

And guess who's not getting enough iron? That same veg-head sitting across from you at the dinner table, who wants you to pin a medal on his chest every time he chows down on a soy burger.

After all, animal protein like beef, eggs, and turkey are the best sources of iron around. But it's as if these vegan militants have sworn off meat in some hemp-robed religious ceremony. They just won't listen to reason.

You see, vegetarians are like every other person who has ever fallen victim to a cult -- they don't even realize they're in one. But the more meat-free Kool-Aid they drink, the sicker they get. That's why prominent vegetarians like Linda McCartney and Michael Clarke Duncan were dead before they hit 60.

In fact, vegetarian diets have been linked to pancreatic cancer -- the very disease that killed Steve Jobs!

When you get right down to it, vegetarianism is not about your health -- it's about politics. If you just laid out the vitamin, mineral and caloric content of a vegetarian diet, no doctor in his right mind would sign off on it. He'd ask where the protein was... he'd ask serious questions about iron deficiency... he'd say you were starving yourself to death.

And he'd be right. Don't let these anti-meat turkeys bully you for one more day. The next time one of those mango munchers hassles you about the delicious steak dinner you're grilling up, give him some advice he'll have no trouble following.

Tell him to stop having a cow.