Congress has made a lot of screwy rules and regulations, especially when it comes to nutrition -- but they'll have a hard time ever topping this one: Under U.S. law, pizza is now practically a vegetable.

Yup -- the worst of all the worst junk snacks is right up there with broccoli and carrots, because Congress just extended a special provision that puts tomato paste into a nutritional class of its own when it comes to school lunches.

Under these rules, an eighth of a cup of tomato paste -- just two tablespoons -- is equal to half a cup of any other vegetable.

Since a half cup of vegetables is considered a full serving for school lunch purposes, processed food makers can sell cheese-crusted bread with a squirt of tomato sauce to children and get full credit for feeding them a "vegetable."

In case you're wondering, you didn't miss any stunning new research. Tomato paste isn't a superfood with four times the power of any other vegetable. The only thing "super" here is the size of the contributions made by food industry big shots to campaign coffers.

That's what this is REALLY all about -- and that's why politicians should never, ever be allowed to make decisions about what you and your family eat.

Heck, if you're looking for a "how to" guide on what not to eat, just visit a school lunchroom or any other institution that serves food based on U.S. government guidelines.

If there's a kid in your life, get your hands on a supply of brown paper bags. I don't care what you put in it -- it's bound to be better than what's on the cafeteria menu.